Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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