i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
