i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
