dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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