About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
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I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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