I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Who died my cat blue again?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize