Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
