Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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