The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
