sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
The adults are the big ones right?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
