i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
