All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
