his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
