I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
