He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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