I just pynch a tree in the face
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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