If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
