This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
