please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Randomize
