So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
