i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
