"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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