So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
