why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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