I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
