I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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