One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
