You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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