I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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