I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
