didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
