i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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