Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
