Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
