I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
