His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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