what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
