sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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