She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
