She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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