My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
