If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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