Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
