remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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