I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
