how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
