people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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