Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
