Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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