I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
