school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
