ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
