I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
