There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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