i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
