never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
