captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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