That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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