He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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