You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Actions speak louder than pants.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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