so that wasnt chicken after all
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up