Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
PANTIES FOUND
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