Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
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Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house