So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious