Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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