Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
