jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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